Dear Lexi, Lauren, and Will,
It has been too long since I have written. I have been silent when I should have spoken more than once that is for sure. It is not because I have not written in my head and poured out my heart in thoughts of things I want you to know and hear from me as you grow. Tonight, the urge was just too strong and I had to get up out of bed and come put the words on paper. This does not mean they are that inspirational....it just means I am trying to be more intentional. :)
This week my feeling were hurt. They were hurt in a raw, deep, and soul searching way. My very character was questioned and it brought out the ugly cry. I don't think the person hurt me intentionally as they were very angry and were looking through different colored glasses than I wear.....that being said, as I was reading tonight this quote jumped out at me. "Satan loves it when we do his work for him by dumping on each other." Lisa TerKeurst. Wow, just WOW! That is exactly what happened to me. I have always had a very weak tolerance of being judged by how a certain mold of how I "should" be or what I was "expected" to be.....when this happens I usually lash out and lash out in a pretty good way...."pretty good" meaning tear either the person or situation a part with a tongue lashing. This time I didn't. It felt good that I didn't....now. At the time, I wanted to ummmm rip the person a new one but somehow refrained.
This was grace. Jesus quietly whispered to me to hand over some grace that I have been so frequently given. Grace, grace God's grace.....grace that will pardon and cleanse within....I have always loved that old song but I saw what it means. When given, it helps you (me) forgive and walk on and not be weighted down by the bitterness that someone may have just tried to drown us in. It feels good too.
Grace....tonight I pray you learn how to not only receive it, because that is hard as well, but also to give it.
My precious babes, mama loves you. I love you with my whole heart and all that I am. I am beyond blessed and underserving of such sweet and perfect love that you share with me. My cup runneth over and always remember.....you never know how unhappy and messed up on the inside someone may be not matter if the outside is cleaned up to perfection.
Give grace regardless of how it is packaged.
I love you,