It's only been 4 years

 Why now? I am not sure. All I know is that I CANNOT get off my mind the fact I am supposed to be writing down our life experiences. The idea of it will not go away. So, here I am. Completely overwhelmed with all that has transpired since I last wrote so I am just going to chip away at it. Whatever comes to mind I will write. 

I recently listened to Beth Moore's autobiography and was so astonished with how well she documented her life. It sounds like she has journal upon journal detailing her daily life. I felt a moment of shame in this as well.....why had I failed in documenting mine? Shame is the right word there- Shame is where you feel you are bad. Guilt is when you have done something bad. I learned these definitions from my BFF Brene Brown. I have struggled with an unrelenting amount of shame in my life. Where this originates from I haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet. I do know that once I recognized it, named it, and spoke it out loud it does have less control of me. Back to the journaling...I decided to let go of the shame and just start. This is not a failure. My life is not over. Just start now. Start where I am. 

Romans 5:5~ And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. 

Where to start?

 We had been confined to room 720 for going on three days now. I was so tired. I was so weary emotionally. I just wanted some coffee. I just wanted to step out for a moment and take a deep breath. I sent an update to our faithful prayer warriors that all was well. We were just doing some more waiting as it was July 4th. I mentioned how badly I wanted coffee......now, read this and tell me God doesn't care about the details.....

It wasn't five minutes later and this angel in disguise as a volunteer opened the door to Eli's room and told me to "go take a break!" I started giving all sorts of instructions and disclaimers that I would be back in less than 10 minutes. She would have none of it. She just repeated for me to "go." What a gift that was. In the middle of the mundane of a Tuesday holiday this stranger continued to follow through on her commitment as a volunteer and that simple act of obedience reminded me that God cares about the small things. He cares about Eli and He cares about ME. 

It brought this verse to mind. I know it is probably not its original intent but it WAS good news of peace and a reminder that my God reigns to me. 

Isaiah 52:7~ How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns.