I have a sin problem. This is not a new revelation. I truly believe one of the reasons God called us to foster is that I would not have free time to indulge my selfish behaviors. (This is not me saying anyone who doesn't foster is selfish, btw. We are not all called to meet the same need.) I say this so no one can be fooled that I am anything special for how we are choosing to live our life. ANY praise and ALL glory goes to Him who redeemed me from the pit- A pit I dug for myself and jumped in.
The details are between the Lord and me but I was sifted. I learned first hand to have compassion and mercy on others because I was given so much of it from Him. I learned that unless I am actively running from self-indulgent behavior I have no ability to stop it from consuming me. I am doing Beth Moore’s Daniel bible study again and have been slapped in the face once more.
I have recently received an honor from a local magazine and it will be published next month. It makes me shake in my shoes that anyone might see something other than Jesus in me. My blood literally runs cold thinking about my flesh being prideful over the honor. I want it to be said and heard before it is even seen that there is NO pedestal that I am worthy of and I mean this with all my heart- ANY good you see in me is from HIM. I am the most sinful of all. I was like the person talked about in Isaiah 58. I thought I was “doing” good but was not.
Isaiah 58:9-12 says:
9Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
My greatest desire is to follow Him. I want to run from the complacency of living my life as a “Christian” that only serves myself. I was given an urgent and burning desire to take my faith back from the American Dream as David Platt challenges in his book Radical. I want to be broken and poured out for Him and may I assist Him as HE repairs the broken wall of these families I interact with. It is HE who restores the families I get the privilege of watching come back together. HE is rebuilding the ancient ruins of the families who have only known the pattern of abuse and neglect for decades. May I never cease praying for them and reminding myself that I am one breath away from it being me in their shoes. But truly by the Grace of God go I.